Virgin Territory.

By Magdaleen Duvenage

Viewing: Nu Metro

Release Date: Currently Out on Show
Directed by David Leland

Cast:
Hayden Christensen, Mischa Barton, Tim Roth, Matthew Rhys, Christopher Egan, Silvia Collocate.

Okay, I have to be honest, the only reason why I was persistent in seeing this movie, was because of Hayden Christensen – whom I am a huge fan of, not necessarily because of talent, I just love staring at him, there is something mysterious about those eyes ladies...

While standing at the movies, getting a cappuccino, it dawned on me the first time that just maybe the name “Virgin Territory” is self explanatory, and that means I would not enjoy this movie. Well, the optimist inside stood up, and I decided to go in with a fresh sense of awe.
Virgin Territory is a romantic comedy based upon Giovanni Boccaccio's Decameron, I have honestly never been a fan of his work. In France it was released as Medieval Pie, in my opinion this would have been a better title choice.

It is a story of 10 Florentines who flee in to the Italian countryside in 1348 as the black plague swept through the city.

Hayden Christensen is Lorenzo di Lamberti, a charming scoundrel, who one would describe as one of William Shakespeare's characters. Lorenzo lost a game to Gerbino (Tim Roth), who wants him dead. On a road, fleeing from Gerbino, Lorenzo decides to hide out in a convent, after enquiry that the convents gardener is dead. He meets a interesting character on his way, carrying the dead gardener, played by David Walliams (British comedian), who seems to be the only comedy in this movie. The only way he can stay there is by pretending to be deaf and dumb, which he does with pleasure, as he gets to sleep with all the nuns, as any good gardener would do, I suppose.
Lorenzo had a love for the young and voluptuous Mischa Barton who is Pampinea. She however is betrothed to Count Dzerzhinsky (Matthew Rhys) from Russia – with love. Her father arranged the marriage before he died, leaving Pampinea orphaned. Gerbino moves in on her almost immediately, she then hides out at the convent, waiting for the Count to arrive away from Gerbino.

She sees Lorenzo and discovers she has feelings for him. One afternoon while taking his food for him, she blindfolds and kissed him, he becomes obsessed with finding her. As the story unfolds, a lot of members of Pampinea’s party get naked and end up in pools for no particular reason, none of these incidents adds to the story and it does not create any value.
Basically Lorenzo finds Pampinea, fights with Gerbino, with some help from the Count, they (Pampinea and Lorenzp) end up together and “live happily ever after.”

This movie, is definitely without a doubt, one of the worst movies of the century. There are countless encounters with sex, nudity, violence and swearing. This movie should not be seen by anyone under the age of 16; parents be strictly cautioned. Its only purpose is for entertainment, no depth and no mystery, not even a moral. It is as predicable as cartoons and routine. David Leland tried to create, like so many before him, a modern touch on medieval history, he has failed miserably though.
It is always nice to see Hayden, but I am giving it a disastrous 2/10.
See you at the movies!